This is a very difficult letter for me to write but yet one that I hope it becomes a seminal moment in my life. I was born from the South Sudan. And I am a survivor of the ethnic cleansing-genocide in the late 1980’s when I was about 4 years old. It took so many people to support and literally carry me to bring me alive to UNHCR-Kakuma Refugees Camp in Kenya. I lived in UNHCR-Kakuma Refugee Camp without Adult leadership until 2001. The US State Department, and US Department of Homeland Security (DHS) decided to bring hope to the “Lost Boys of South Sudan.’ And they provided us the opportunity of a lifetime – to have hope through education.
As a result of this background checks, I have found that the effects of my Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) remain latent in most people and in some, come out in varied ways. I have also found that I am driven to make good on that ‘bravery and relentless hope.’ This “Bravery, and/or relentless hope” was provided to me by the United States State Department and United States Immigrations, and/or Citizenship Services (USCIS). We had to resettle in the New York State as other immigrants, who are living an American Dream: “Pursuit of Happiness, Life and Liberty” as Thomas Jefferson neatly put it. And I thought I had to also continue with my Higher education as the only way I can translate that ‘Promise and Bravery hope’ into helping me. And we had to help those left behind in the South Sudan. This premise of “Bravery, and/or relentless hope’ is affecting those who are culturally, socially and/or medically struggling with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and depressions in Diaspora.
That last semester of spring 2010, I was struggling with effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) when I was in the College of Saint Rose in Albany, New York, working on my graduate works in Political Science thinking I should become another Political Scientist like a pivotal political scientist Dr. Andrea Rubery in SUNY- College at Brockport in Rochester, New York. And she is now the chairperson of Political Science Department. She was my neighbor, a personal role modal, and/or Mentor during both my undergraduate works in the Niagara University and as well as for decision to go for graduate studies in the Political Science in the College of Saint Rose in Albany, New York. With a sickness I have had, I did not finish my Spring Seminar of 2010. And I left for medical treatments here in the Rochester Area. Unfortunately, I did not finish, and/or pinched a spring semester seminar of 2010. I medically left the College of Saint Rose in Albany, New York in April 2010. And thereafter I later tried being medically treated, especially for my conditions to re-apply back to the graduate Political Science program known as “Resumption of Study.” And the College of Saint Rose in Albany, New York, especially the College Graduate Admission, and/or Continuing Educations’ Administration said that I should need to re-apply for different program, but not to the same program to which I did not finish due to “plagiarism” on the Book Review writings. This was extremely frustrating, and disappointing to me since I have had earned Nine (9) Credit-hours in the fall semester seminar with very outstanding cumulative Grade Points Average (GPA). And I only plunge, and failed a spring seminar semester of 2010 due to other recurring medical problems I had. When I requested College Transcripts, you will plainly see with your naked eyes that spring seminar 2010 is zero points with “F-bomb” word’s letter grades of ‘failed’.
I did not have the “support systems” there in the College of Saint Rose-Albany organized to help me. And as a result I made some very “poor decisions” in the ends by leaving without letting graduate professors know so that I can get an ‘incomplete grades’ due to the medical problems, incurred. It was unprecedented that you would immensely understand the breadth and/or depth of my PTSD disorder’s sickness when you encountered; I become an ‘unconscious’ and/or ended up making a deteriorating, a regretting poor, and worsening decisions, ever. I was reconnected with NYS-Local Department of Social Services and/or Heath Services (LDSS) at home in the St. Joseph Neighborhood Centers (STJNC) Clinics, Rochester, New York with Psycho-therapist Mr. Mike Boucher, the Social worker, (MSW). And I also had to see my Psychiatry Physicians, where I monthly go for medications refills until I recovered. They also used to prescribe me my Psychiatric medications as well. These decisions seemed so right to me partly because of my needs to take care of those, who we had left behind. And partly, this affected me, especially my episode of Mental illness because of my PTSD situation between 2006, and 2007.
Of course, I finished a Fall Semester 2008-2009 in the College of Saint Rose in Albany, New York in the graduate Political Science Program with marvelous cumulative Grade Points Averages(GPA) above (3.26) points out of (4.0) points. And you will see when you get my graduate transcripts. And it was only that solely Spring semester of 2009-2010 in the College of Saint Rose in Albany, New York, to which I had a “poor cumulative letter”grades effect of zeros(0.0) since I did not finish a graduate seminar. This deteriorating health was a driving force behind my “irrational decisions” to frequently isolate, or to leave without telling graduate Professors so that they could have given me “incompleted letter” grades’ for the spring 2010 courses. I have had medically fixed this episode of my Mental illness. And it must not happen again to disrespect professors combined with Managerial Staff from Strong Memorial Hospitals(SMH)’s Environmental Services Department as I did in that spring 2010 to leave without their “knowing” according to College’s Syllabus of Academic decorum, and/or etiquette.
Since I was not going back to the College of Saint Rose in Albany, New York to the same graduate Program of Political Science, but I was directed, and/or advised to go for different programs in the fall 2010. I later decided to leave for South Sudan instead of re-applying back to the College of Saint Rose in Albany, New York after receiving “poor letter” grades. And the College Administrations wrote me message to re-apply to the different graduate programs. I flew for South Sudan that year of 2010 to visit my Extended relatives: Biological father, Wuor Deng Jok, and the family by and at large to which I have had never seen for number of those two decade years away from home. I spent a minimum of two years there in South Sudan after decades away from home. And I just returned back very recently as in May 2012 leaving Nuclear family behind in South Sudan and rest of Extended family in Eldoret, Kenya, especially my 1st wife Mrs. Deborah Akur Deng, and her two children Ms. Achirin Deng Wuor, Mr. Anyieth Panrac Majak, and stepbrother, Dengthii Wuor from 3rd wife household of my Biological father Mr. Wuor Deng Jok as well.
I understand greatly how the “failure of Public Policy” in the 1956-1972 Addis-Abbas Agreement and in the recent North-South Sudan 1983-2005 Comprehensive Peace Agreement (CPA) Naivasha in Kenya Agreements stipulated in the six (6) Protocols mandate. And in the South Sudan’s History Narrative conspired to create the problem as Italian-Americans’ Host father Mr. Jeriome J. Deluccios, and her 1st wife Mrs. Anna-Maria Deluccios, paraphrased it. I lived through this Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and/or Depressions in South Sudan. And it continued today to do so in western Darfur–the so-called ‘Old Sudan.’ And probably, this kind of my PTSD disorder and/or Depressions’ Mental illness episodes affected me around the world. I can make a difference here because I believe this is what God saved me to do. My passion is real as alluded in the Mel Gibson’s “Passion of Christ” Hollywood Film. And I reconnected to my “Deep State” desire, which explicitly stated by Sigmund Freud in his Psychology writings. However, I’m implicitly unclear on my “passion” to which I am interested in my “Utopian Change” by earning an advanced degree in Public Administration graduate program without nothing to accomplish for it.
I always wanted to achieve something greater rather than small Entry-level “Think-Tanks” job to which my GED diplomas, could not have had attained. And/or this is what pushed me to apply for graduate programs in the General Public Administration (MPA), Master’s Degree. I did not want to narrow down my “positive” endeavor to specific Academic concentrations like Non-Profit Administrations, MPA degree, or any other Master’s degree in Public Administrations concentration “grub hub” of Service Delivery to People, generally speaking.
Achieving something greater is mandatory now a day since it is so hard, and/or bulky to yield. And I am not very “Fullbright” bold to find the decent high paying job, where you would be able to make livings as other ‘Middle Class’ elevation according to Sociology’s “Social Class Stratification” schemes in the Societal ladder. Since it has been a focal points for today Presidential Campaigns in eliminating Poverty, but we are living a successful lives. It is not only a driving force behind my decisions to apply for Master’s degree in the Public Administrations. However, I frequently wanted to teach. And initially, I wanted to impact my life, and other people’s lives as a ‘gift back’ to the Society to which we are living(s).
In conclusion, the wavelength “Color of Rainbows” used to bother me between year 2006 and 2007. And I was the matriculated undergraduate student of Political Science from 2005-2008 Niagara University in Lewiston, New York. I’m just the “Lipstick” gayman, who does NOT understand, anything in the World as showcased in the Batman, Hollywood 1989 Film. As I said in this “Statement of Purpose: How Did I Perform, Academically?”, I have had been “Psychologically deranged individual-1”, who wanted to take “Psychiatric Medications” for rest of “Life Pathway Journey of Labyrinth.” However, I’m neither the Buddhism, nor Am I the Muslim Believer. Of course, in year 2010, I married Mrs. Deborah Akur Deng, whom I shared my Middle Common Name, ‘Deng’ with her late Biological Parents, Mr. Deng Leek Deng Malual, and/or Mrs. Akuol Chok Kuir, in the village of Pawel, South Sudan. How do I feel about “Lipstick” Hockey Mother?” A former Alaska Governor, Mrs. Sarah Palins neatly paraphrased it in year 2012 Presidential Campaign Trails when they were running against 2008-2016 former US President Barack H. Obama. As you might recall, there’s an Americans’ Popular Quotation, which said that “you can put a “Lipstick” on the Pig. However, it’s still the Pig, regardless.” I am the “Lipstick” gayman. And I think, this is the “Birth defects”, which constantly makes me to “disassociate” from general Public due to my “Skin rashes”, Black gums’ Enamel, and/or “ugliness” associated with this “red” Balms’ Skin Pigmentation of my Lipstick.
